My first encounter

My first encounter with the Goddess!

It was as a young woman of 23 years, in Hawaii, that I first met the Goddess. I was sceptical when my boyfriend at the time started talking about her and show me different books to read. I did not want to join any religion, I just wanted to be a simple human being on earth! But out there in the jungle nature called to me and also my own nature, my body and my mind were feeling and thinking very differently.

camilla plockar annanas

I lived simply in a hut and often worked half-naked in the garden at an organic farm. I showered in and drank rainwater. I peed directly under the trees to give them nutrition. I was woken up by the sunrise and often went to bed at sunset. I lived a simple life close to nature and close to myself. Emotions and thought patterns became very clear to me and my body was cleansed by all the fresh food I picked and ate everyday.

I realized how dependent I was on the earth, and the different elements of nature for my survival. All I needed was provided everyday by her! I felt safe and vulnerable at the same time when I realized this for the first time in my life! And the realization made me want to sing and dance with gratitude for everything she gives. We had a very deep moment of connecting and she became my mother because she is just like a mother giving her baby everything he/she needs!

camilla green lake

Suddenly, I completely understood how the people living in the old Goddess cultures felt for Mother Earth and why she was worshiped as the Goddess! I had long been searching for the meaning and purpose of existence, but not until that moment could I actually feel the sanctity of life. Previously I had been searching with my eyes fixed far away on complicated spiritual theories about the universe and how humanity came to be, and now it suddenly landed here in front of me, and inside me! I was filled with amazement at the forces of nature and the abundant life growing around me and gave thanks every day for all the food and the water I had. “This is the constant creation and meaning of Life, it is just growing everywhere”, I thought. “I am part the process interacting all the time with everything around me”. Wow! I went on a pilgrimage to see the lava from the volcano flowing into the sea. I offered chocolates to the volcano goddess, Pele, and felt small in comparison with her power! I realized that it was important for me to create personal relationships with nature’s various mysteries and cycles, and that it helps me to see them in the form of goddesses with different names and attributes! The goddess awakened more and more and got closer and closer to my heart!

avocado bliss

Feeling this gratitude a great sadness over the state of the world came over me. It’s like the culture I grew up in has forgotten how dependent we are on the earth. It’s like people think they can do anything they want without considering the consequences for nature, future generations and even themselves!

Maybe it’s because we have learned that the greatest and most holy force is in heaven, called God, and so that is where we strive. Upwards, to greater thinking and ideas – away from the body, heart and the earth underneath our feet. We have even taught to despise and be ashamed of our bodies, its functions and desires. The body like all nature must be tamed, owned and held in control!

Today perhaps God in heaven might not be our goal anymore, but instead a constant need to express ourselves as individuals in increasingly extreme ways. We want it all and much more of it! We want to be Gods ourselves and rule the world but we have lost touch with reality, the planet we live on that still feeds us all we need. This becomes very dangerous and will lead to our own death in the end!

I admit that I am a child of my destructive culture and sometimes act in ways I am not happy about. It is not easy to find the way back to sanity. But deep down inside I feel a burning desire, like a hot fire in my stomach. And this fire makes me look for other ways to live. Spending time close to nature certainly helps! And the Goddess continues to lead me steadily on my path.

gudinnan leder mig